BAD DAY or sad day

I must tell you; I LOVE what I do!
I love the field, I love the people, I love the "work", and I love the gym, the home base, the atmosphere, the challenge, the versatility, the adversity, the flexibility and all the ilities I cannot think of.

Today, however, my faith has been rattled and shaken and a little bit broken and I got sad...
I had a bad day. I had a difficult client and I gave up on her. I had a moment where I decided (not so tactfully) that my dignity and self respect had to come before my duty. The WRONG duty. I am very clear about what my duty is, as a trainer and as a professional. With this one person though I had broken that code and I had compromised only to indulge her. Only to play psychologist, and do something I am not qualified or paid or appreciated or even ASKED to do. So it was my stupidity. Because, in the end, I had to walk out on her, and embarrass her in her place of "safety and peace". I stormed out steaming, but not before I spewed my frustration out and yelled my disapproval for everyone to hear. Sp wrong!

What surprised me in the whole event that might not make sense to any of you because you have no clue what I am talking about, is that after the initial getting mad phase I just got really sad. I am not sure if I felt that I had failed, or if I had felt guilt for not making better decisions and not being an adult and a professional without emotions, I don't know... I just know that I was really really sad. I felt like I lost something, something I cherished and treasured and it's slipped away. I tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing and that it was inevitable and I had indulged her too long... I shouldn't have, in the first place. One cannot call herself a professional and start acting like a mindless child only to turn around and yell like a mad grown up. How the hell did I not see that? Or am I just a sucker for indulging the mentally manipulative and the broken spirited people?? I have to quit. I must stop or else, I will never be a professional.

I am deeply saddened by how my efforts were futile, and by how my judgement was flawed and my actions immature and reactive. I guess I have failed and failed on many levels.

Well, for one thing, I do still love to train and am grateful for all of my clients and most everyone I meet doing this. I am just still learning, that's all...that's all, folks!