Last night in the torrential rain I stood and felt your letting go. I felt you and I felt sad but energized. After I soaked myself I came inside and let the black cat in. He was happy and kept looking around and sniffing. I was sniffing too. I even had my face down on the carpet, where your dishes used to sit and where you have peed, looking for your scent. It was barely there.
Then we watched tv and I went to bed to read and fall asleep around 1030. And sleep I did, through the night, till I had to get up to pee, waking from an eventful silly dream. I didn't want to look at the clock like I used to do, in fear of knowing how early it was and realizing how tired I was, but it wasn't late at all, it was early.
I know this because when I laid back down I got that clamp down on my chest of missing you and feeling your void. I must have woken the cat who knocked something over which made me get up, let him out, and look at the clock. It was 4:53. So I slept so long and hated waking, hated the clenching feeling of emptiness, trying to make myself pick up the silly thread of my earier dream. It didn't come and I was up.
I know you just went to sleep but your warmth, that missing warmth left such cold and heaviness that it hurts, physically hurts!
I miss you my dear pet, I miss your breathing, your softness, your little moans and groans, I miss and miss all of you!
It is good to write...
I'm off to work but after I plan on working on your garden over where your tiny body lays, making a beautiful sanctuary for your memory.
Jason will help and we will make it just like you: magnetic with beauty and life.
You are in the air,
You are everywhere,
You are everywhere.
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