The art of deception by baking

Monday, June 16, 2008

The art of deception by baking

Yes, Publix gets the grand price of Making things look yummie when they suck!

I see a beautiful bakery with shiny pastries and fluffy baked goods and the visual effect is like on the 7th floor and when you taste it, reality drops you like a broken elevator to the basement. How do they do that? I mean, do they learn to bake with pictures, rather than ingredients? Is there a special class entitled: How to leave essential elements out of a baking recipe? No, I got it! They hired a make up artist. They own stock in corn syrup, because there is no shortage of THAT! Some cane sugar and vanilla would do wonders too. I don't know. Maybe my expectations are too high. I want to taste what I see, and it's not happening. It's like a dating site...it all looks good until it's in your mouth. Wait, that's not the right phrasing...It all looks great until you get in it. Yeah, that would work for dating too. Not that I would know about it...lol.

Oh well, there's always crepes...Crap!

No comments:

Shaz's manipulation

Shaz tonight was so cute... as is her usual habit, she protested against the menu I imposed on her. Horrible stuff...organic boiled chicken mashed with green beans and sweet potatoes (very little, not even enough to add color). So even though she was hungry in the morning, she proceeded to ignore her bowl. Instead, she couldn't wait to be picked up on the couch, as I sat and ate my breakfast after morning boot camp, of feta eggs with sliced tomatoes and home-made cheesy biscuits (courtesy of my friend). We had to fight over biscuit pieces. Then, she circled around her bowl all day, and pranced around for new food. I shared some pork roast with her at lunch (seasoned only with salt and pepper), and some of the cats' tuna from the can. Then evening came...she is reeeeeeally hungry now. NO, won't eat out of the bowl. That's crap food; no dog with any self-respect would touch it. Only 85% of human beings on the planet would. But not her. I have to write a paper. Sitting in front of the computer for 4 hours. She comes in, I pick her up, she sits, and then wants to get off. She goes to bark by the living room sliding door. No one there. She wants attention; she wants a change of menu. I say, NO! I go back to writing. She manages to squeeze out little pee spots onto the carpet, even though I drag her out in every hour. Great. I go back to writing. She shuffles her four little feet back and forth between the living room and the back room/office, where I'm still sitting. This is time consuming for me. In, out, pick me up, put me down, pleeeeease! You are a dog!!!!! Are you hungry or not? So I spike her food with pork roast. No, it's shit. Don't give me that! So I spike her food with tuna...Do you think I'm stupid? So I go back to writing. Two sentences. Oh, God, where did I fail as a parent? I do NOT tolerate prissyness! Right... So it's 9pm. I am exhausted, but have much more to study. I need wine, and I go to the store to get it. I gave Shaz a treat, a glucosamine spiked chicken jerky. She gobbles it up. I leave and come back to a freaky dog. She really wants some food now. Other than what's in the bowl, obviously! So I warm organic ground beef and sprinkle chia seeds with littel dry food mixed in there. She inhales it, wants to go out to prance. Back in the house, I am wearing out. I need more wine and more than 5 minutes consecutive to retain any of the gosh darn things I'm reading!!! More beef and chia seeds and dry food. She inhales it. What tha...? Ok, I go shower and come out to an emptpy Shasta bowl. IT'S A MIRACLE! She ate three portions of food in one hour, including the chicken jerky she got as a bonus. All this is between 8 and 9 o'clock, exactly 1 hour before bedtime. Now she will be thirsty during the night, which means I will wake up to put her down to the floor and pick her back up, never getting that over praised REM sleep. I will come up for a different acronym for that too.. REM. Rest Exempt Mind. Whatever. I showered, she ate (4 times), I drank my wine, and put her on bed next to me, on top of the covers of a king bed. She sighs and purrs, and I pet her soft coat. I feel her little heart beat in her little chest rising and falling in her little ribcage. She is so worth it...I am beat. Good night, World, may you all spoil your loved ones!

the pink ribbon challenge

Is there anyone who is not AWARE of breast cancer and the pukey pink, anymore? It is a great organization! It has flooded the lives of everyone by now. How about clicking for ALL causes???
Go to www.theanimalrescuesite.com and do it all year round. Not just the month of October and January, when the Walk for the cure is on. Live a better lifestyle and exercise. Think of all the causes and all the organizations that embody HELPING someone with some hardship or illness. Being so AWARE of breast cancer is sort of singeling out just one and ignoring the others. I am not saying DON'T HELP, I am saying help others too. Especially when it doesn't cost anything, like the rescue site clicks.
Don't be a hypocrite, we have enough of those! There are other colors then pink. Try seeing them too.

links

Here's a site that gathers daily clicks for charity. I have no idea if it actually works, but if it doesn't I have spent exactly 5 seconds each day to make myself feel better. The trick is to get to the site, klik on each tab and the charity button, then leave. Do not look at anything for sale (unless you have the money to spend on extra charity) just klik and go.
If it DOES work, than I reaaaaally feel better about the 5 seconds I have spent making something better in this world...
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3

I get the daily reminders and it helps me.
Thank you for your time!

treadmill vs. stair climber

Firstly, they both suck... get outside and walk. Walk uphill and run or jog if you can.

Secondly, I vote for the lessor evil, the tread. The stair is a silly machine that actually descends without the person having to propel himself upward, so it's even LESS work to stay on it. Plus you are holding on (according to the stupid demonstrators on TV) the whole time. Extra pressure on hips and shoulders. What is this, practice to walk with a walker???

So, my vote, interval training of walking/jogging and flat/uphill. NO HOLDING ON AT ANY TIME, unless you are already on a walker and/or recovering from a debilitating condition. Able body (even obese) persons, please imitate LIFE. How you walk and move your body and propel yourself forward and/or upward. Hill training is the best, but it should not be exclusive. Sprints are great too. And they slim the waistline!!!

So, no dodoflex poopooflex climbing handicap machine. Do the work, reap the benefits.

yoga

Though I recognize and value the benefits of its practice, I wonder why is it that we cannot call things what they are in the language that we are. Like asanas (posture) and pranayama (breath control). So if the instructor talks about asanas and someone doesn't speak yoga, then that person will not be able to participate or pay attention to the cue that simply talks about posture. Who is special now...the client? It is insulting to me to drop in on a yoga class and feel like an idiot, only being able to mock my classmates (who may or may not have good asanas), and not take in the actual experience of twisting my body through my mind.

Things like this that make things into cult-like twisted practices of wholesome innerbalance with botox in the face and inplants in the chest, and, another freakin' language to speak.

I would love it if weight lifting used the Austrian German or even Russian language, and if running had to be conducted in Ethiopean or Kenyan (and the countless dialects/languages that are spoken in Africa).

So this, my friends, turns a perfectly useful and original practice into a pumpous western program that is a fake wannabe.

Ok, I ranted...

exercise of the week

Plank row /shoulder press

Start in standing position with db shoulder press. Stick the DBs on the floor and jump back into a push up plank, feet apart to form a solid 4 point plank (hands and feet in a rectangle). While MAINTAINING the plank (without elevation of the hips) start rowing alternating sides. Many variations can be done. I prefer assigning 5 shoulder presses and 5 plankrows, or 10 shoulder presses and 10 plankrows. It's pretty taxing, especailly if the getting up from the floor is done with a jump, instead of clammering up. A jump like for a burpee, back to a squat position, to bring your feet under your chest. Not doing the standing up jump because you are getting ready for a shoulder press... If you don't know what a burpee is, google it right now!!! No, it's not a vegetable, it turns you INTO one:)
http://www.rosstraining.com/articles/burpeeclip.htm

exercise of the week

If I keep going at this rate, I will have rewritten the calendar to contain only seven weeks in one year....:(

In any case, try the supine stability ball curl-ups, with the ball stuck under your bent knees, between the heels and the glutes (yes, your b'hind), arms extended, lying next to your body (becasue you will need them to push off a bit). You have to squeeze ze ball against ze glutes with your heels, and roll up so your k'nees come close to your knoze. It is a reverse crunch, working the upper abidominals (I think), and the misssspelling is intentional (if you noticed). This will not work if you are not bare legged (wearing shorts), if you are wearing pants of any kind, for it will prevent a good grip on the ball and ze ball will slip out, making the exercise IMPOSSIBILE! Otherwise, it is fun, and different from all the other boring but effective ab workouts. Do sets of 20 or 25, trying to get as far off the ground as possible, unless you are knocking your noze with your knees. Noze and knees. Who knows what it needs... or when it will cease. Like a stubborn sneez. Will you stop it, Please? No, I gots fleas! This is such a breeze!! Would you like more peas? No, I forgot my keys. You are such a tease! I'm ordering you, FREEZ!
I like this:)

exercise of the week

olympic bar swings from floor.

simply lay an olympic bar against the wall (one end of it, in a 90degree) and hold it with both hands (one under- and the other over-grip). stand close to the end that you are holding, and bend forward to lower the bar towards the floor. Now swing the bar around and up all the way with a half turn, using legs, trunk, arms and shoulders and back. The bar should travel in a tilted half circle and away from body to end up in the UP position, where your eyes should end up too. This is a full body movement, awesome, awesome, awesome! Do 10-20 reps and turn around to face the other way and do the same amount of reps. Feet are stable and stationary throughout. Wide stance, solid ground. Go!

Exercise of the week

Scapular pull ups.

OR whatever the hell the pro-fessionals call them.

It's like a slow motion partial behind the head pull up.
I like performing it at the cable machine with a rope attachment. Set height so one can sit on the floor or on the heels grabbing the rope ends with extended arms, and having butt off the ground (facing the pillar). All of the body weight has to be supported by the arms, head tilted forward and down, and not pushing off the ground with feet! Actually, this is the hardest part. Body weight should be like dead weight hanging on the arms. Then, slowly, flex scapula and arms, bending elbows and pulling up weight maybe 3 to 4 inches, and slowly lowering to extension. It is a very slow and controlled movement and should be very tiring if performed correctly. Weight should be selected so it will anchor body for pull ups. If subject is too heavy, or weight setting is too low, use the Smith machine (only you are limited with height selection here) and make sure subject sits UNDER the bar before pulling up. For stronger people, do it sitting on the floor and flexing to pull up (do not help with hips, pushing off the floor!!!!!!!!)

Good practice for many reason, good for posture and strenght and neuromuscular control development. Say what?
Just do it!

People we meet

I have a friend who meets a lot of new people every day - for work - and develops some kind of relationship with each of them. He looses track though... names fade, special identifiers disappear, no further contact will leave great gaps and, eventually, nothingness.

I have much more than that. I know few people but I feel that each are in my "circle" for a reason, and I love each one of them for different reasons. I could, right now, easily comprise a list with their names and special contributions to my life. I know almost everyone who had crossed my life because they have all left their imprints and have somehow impacted me. I think this is why we live. For encounters with other people. Don't get all kincky here... that too, but... it's a professional blog...LOL!!!

OK, so, back to my peoplez, do you know who is in your life and why? Can you give a good reason why you know their names? Do you keep up with old aquaintances, do you know people like family who are not really family? Do you care for anyone who is not related to? Do you want to help people you don't know? Or do you just live for yourself, thinking you don't need anyone and no one is important.

I am not preaching. I just wanted to say, that I am so very thankful for everyone in my life right now, and with all honesty, I know everyone's special quality and I value them all! I really do.

So thanks to everyone, and thank YOU Shaz!

exercise of the week

smith machine pull ups.

very easy and effective, lower the bar to a point from which it's possible to pull your weight up as you make a plank with your body pivoting on the heels (to avoid push off from feet), with a regular wide chin up grip. When stronger, can put bar so body is almost parallel to the ground and pulling almost all of the body weight up. Also add some "negative" pull ups from a regular bar of some kind with no gravity assistance. Just jump up to chin up position and slowly lower body, resisting the descend, inch by inch, even on the last little bit.

Only do a few of the negatives and faliure on the smith pull ups.

tribute to the dead

All week I've been thinking about this so I will write a few lines to get it out of my head and into cyberspace.

I thought of all the people I know who are dead and wanted to tell them that they are still here with me, at least. Nick, Arnold, Wayne, mom and dad and the little animals of my friends and everyone who is missed by someone living - you are still here with us. I am sad to think some day it'll be my turn, in fact, I am terrified to think of this. So I decided to learn about buddhism because they seem to know a lot. Anyhow, this bit is not about me, it's a tribute to the lives of creatures that have left and are missed. You are all missed. But not gone. Not gone.

nutrition you cannot ignore

Though I have posted most of these I will do it again, because I beleive they are this valuable. AAANd, though coming from a TRAINER, they are scientifically supported and widely tested. I'm making this up. But I know I am right and I might just save a life by writing it down again so you can read it and hopefully use what you need.

Here are some simple things to follow that will dramatically change your nutritional well being and aid you in your weight loss/food control.

1. Slow down. Chew with attention, attention to every bite. Make sure you chew each bite slowly and for a little longer than you normally would.

2. Water. Since our bodies are more than 60% water, I am suuuuuuure that it is important to replenish that because it serves as a catalist in digestion and muscle and brain function. Need another reason? Start and end your day with water. Before getting that Grande latte, drink a few sips of water. Also take water to your bedside and drink a few sips before turning the light out. It works wonders, I promise you!

3. Never NEVER NEVER NEVER eat out of any container/bag. Put it in a small bowl. When it's out it's out. This way you can indulge yourself a bit and not feel guilty and not overeat. I have tested this, it really works. Except with wine... I wonder why...?

4. Do not, I repeat, do not substitute too much fat free and soy products. They are not good for you. Especially not fat free, it's a trickster way of eating things that are sugar laden and presumed GOOD for you. It's perfectly alright to eat a little piece of regular cheese and drink some milk. It is NOt ok to eat too much soy (for women or men - ask the orientals) and it tastes kaka. So why do it?

5. When eating out, always monitor your own portions. They bring plates of food and take plates away - it's impossible to see, in total, how much you have consumed. Even salads can be overwhelming - ask for a container right away and put some away to take home. No one says you must consume everything in one sitting. You probably shouldn't.

6. I beleive in cravings. If you crave chocolate then you shoud indulge yourself SMARTLY and have some freakin' chocolate. I eat it for breakfast sometimes. That's a 1 inch by 1 inch piece, not a block!!!!!!! Eat icecream (not out of the container) and bread. Some. So you won't gorge yourself but feel satisfied and in control.

If you need more help or specific guidence for your weight loss/eating habits please go to my website and download my nutritional checklist. I have made it up myself with no one approving or checking it but it's made from life experiences (such as the pig face eater I am...lol) and with some real life input. I believe it works. You can tell me if it does or doesn't. Good luck!

exercise of the week

cardio intervals

short, high intesity intervals, 8-12 of them with equal times recovery (for instance, fun 400 meters at 1:30 intervals with 1:30 recovery time x 8-12) Or go for distance: walk two light poles and jog two light poles or driveways, or jumping fish)

note: high intensity is relative to your level of fitness. If new to cardio, maybe fast walk is your high intensity. If on a cardio machine, crank that &%& up to where you are reaaaaly breathing hard at the end of your high intensity segment. They can be longer, like up to 3 minutes. But HARD!

note 2: the highest level of incline on a treadmill is about the same as a handicap ramp (you know, a real one, OUTSIDE)...think about that.

Your heart will thank you!

Ps: this can be done with elevation and/or speed increase. I.e. run/walk uphill and run/walk faster, much faster!

happy rainy day (damn it!)

theory proved again

My self developed theory of "I am the greatest soup maker" has been proven again with results surpassing that of previous proofs and once again reinforcing my scientific belief that I, indeed, am the greates cooker of soup, especially the chicken variety!

I only wonder...how much better can I get? Hmmm.. will find out... we shall see indeed!

Yummie!
Secret recipe: get a free roaming chiken that has its head cut off so it's not roaming so much. Then find some vegitables and throw them in the water with the now settled down chicken. Then slooooooowly simmer it only adding salt, rosemary and other natural spices. NO seasoned salt and complete seasoning crap! Then, at the end, garnish with freshly chopped stationary parsley or whatever you like, and squirt some fresh lemon in it. In the soup. Send me $5 and a self addressed stamped email and I'll give you the name of my secret ingredient.

Buon appetite!

exercise of the week - ab burner

Weighted V situps

Lie supine (face up) on a mat hodling some kind of weight (at least 5lbs) with both hands, arms extended behind head, a few inches off the ground. Extend legs and lift them off the floor, also a few inches. For added difficulty, place another weight between feet (i.e., 5lb db). Sit up and raise legs at same time, bringing hands and feet together at midbody, in a half cirlce arch. Nice and slow! Then open up the "V" by lowering arms and legs towards floor. Do NOT hit the ground, hold few inches above and repeat. Do this ten times.

Feel the burn!!!

You can do this unweighted and work up to about 20 reps. This is taxing on lower back becasue of feet being elevated. This is an advanced exercise. Must be able to hold head up as well. Come by the boot camp, I'll show you how it's done. THEY will show you how it's done...NOw that I think about it, it's more like an "I" sit up because you close up all the way. Or a skinny "O". That's it, skinny-o!!! heehee

happy grunting:)

SONG OF THE WEEK

Feeling down? Here's a beautiful song to lift your spirits. I posted this one before, but it doesn't get any less beautiful, so listen again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWC8v-evDyQ&NR=1

Here are the lyrics, in case it's not easy to imagine its meaning:

Night of stars, and night of love,Fall gently o'er the waters,Heav'n around below, above,No more we'll heed the shore!Floating thus in silver light,Sing on! Oh earth's fair daughtersLove had ne'er an hour so bright,In fabled days of yore.The cadenc'd oar will rhymeTo the measure we sing,Till even charmed Time,Fold a moment his wing.Wander on!Till the dawn! Ah!Night of stars, and night of love,Fall gently o'er the waters,Heave'n around below, above,No more we'll heed the shore.Night of stars and of love,Ah! Gently fall o'er the watersHeave'n around below, above!Ah! Ah!

diggidy doggy doodie

If you love your dog you should not feed it dry dog food. Make the dogfood once a week by cooking ingredients you can pronounce, add some suppliments and lots of walks and it'll be fine. We end up buying dogfood that is free of a list of things (that are normally in there), and only contain chicken, oats, carrots and other stuff you can very well put in a pot and cook and freeze for a week. We end up switching dog food endlessly to combat allergy problems. We end up cutting back on dog food that is loaded with calories and makes your animal fat. So it's very much like us, keep them eating natural foods and in a variety, and let them have their exercise. Time consuming? Don't have a dog! Not everyone has to...

Exercise of the week

Russian twist with a barbell.

Lie down with feet int he air, legs straight, bottom of your feet towards the ceiling. Hold a barbell over your chest with extended arms (at least 30lbs). Start lowering legs with feet together to one side, not touching the ground and using the barbell to counterbalance. You will (should) feel a strain on your oblique muscles and lower abdominals. Then bring legs up to 90% and lower to the other side. The whole movement should be even paced and smooth, of course pulling up from the bottom will be hardest. Do not use momentum. Keep even slow pace and 90% angle from the floor. Do this till you cannot even grunt anymore. Good night!

a simple check list to see if you should exercise

Please carefully read each and decide which one you'd rather do without or have no use for. If you have any that you are crossing off, any at all, than you are good to go to sit on your [popshi]. That's Hungarian for "tush". So check it out:

- increased and prolonged brain efficiency
- recuded risk of Alzheimers
- reduced risk of cancers of all types
- reduced risk of other degenerative (untreatable) deseases
- reduced risk of diabetes
- reduced risk of depression
- more balance (phsycial and mental)
- more strenght
- better range of motion
- better digestion
- younger muscle age and brain age
- younger appearnce and better performance
- better quality and more even sleep cycle
- better general mood (see reduced depression rate)
- better outlook on life
- being a better role model
- being a better lover
- being a worse consumer (OK, this one is for fun, but could be true)
- age more gracefully
- maintain independence longer

Drawing a blank, but I'm sure this is not it. Just can't think of anymore. So, would you say it's a good investment to get active? Huh? Would you?

olympic sayings

From a commentator, during a badminton game: "... and it landed like a butterfly with sore feet." aaaaaahuh...

From Bela Karolyi during an interview about 7 times he mentioned the women's "uneven paralell bars". Someone correct him please!

From Matt Lauer: "...so is Michael Phelps possibly the greatest American athlete ever, greater than Tiger Woods or Mohamed Ali?". And how do you make that comparison, Matt, just by insulting the others? apples and oranges, dude... plus why diminish another great career, jackass?

good ones, no?

amazing movie

Contrary to my previous entries, I am NOT an antifan of movies, actually, I am quite moved by them, I just don't like going to the movie theater. That doesn't mean that I don't appreciate and admire the power that engulfs the viewer and opens the tear ducts and raises the heart rate while blocking the airways. Ok, so you get it...
I just saw the most amazing little film by Benigni, called "Life is beauiful". In it, I found one of the arias I used to listen to (courtesy of my father) when I was a child, from Offenbach. I cried through this movie for many reasons; the curelty of humans, the power of real love and the beauty of life itself, added the long lost melody of this breath taking aria, what a gem I had found! This is surely going on my all time favorite list...surely!

elevated heart rate explained

Your heart is a muscle. Just like your legs, either running or performing leg presses get your legs fatigued. One is not the same as the other. Just as when doing cardio and getting out of breath, literally, increases your heart rate, is not the same as performing taxing bench presses and feeling your heart pounding in your ears.

The heart has two measurements of performance, if you will, how much blood (volume) it can pumpt through at one beat and how much it is able to contract and expand as a muscle, in other words: how efficient and how strong it is. Just like other muscles that perform in different ways; we measure muscle endurance, strenght and power. The heart is no different. So don't confuse heart rate with heart rate! In order to do cardio you have to do cardio. Increased heart rate is good, though, for either reason, but one doesn't cancel out the other. My favorite saying, people, is: there are no shortcuts, just hard work (but smart work). So get out there!

When you are training cardiovascularly you are increasing the efficiency of your heart (longevity), when you are training with heavy weights you are increasing the strength of the heart walls (longevity). So which would you rather do without?

packages to soldiers

Dear Americans,

I am writing this so you'll know how it really is being deployed overseas and how you can really make a difference in our lives without buying, sorting, packaging and sending stuff we don't need and have plenty of already.

See, before the first deployment we'd hear stories of the different places and the environment and accommodations. Plus we are inexperienced so we take a bunch of stuff with us, even in the carry-on, just to find that there are multiple places where they can be purchased. There are AAFES stores and local merchants who try their hardest to make a living off us soldiers because they know the only thing we have away from home is time and money, which we are itching to spend. So all the extra AA batteries and feminine products we logged around for days en route here is easily accessible right outside our tent. And I repeat: plenty of it! So if you'd like to continue making an effort and improving our lives why don't you, say, start a movement to get us back home because frankly, all these psychological, emotional and physical trauma along with our role of destroying other countries has to stop. It's quite pointless. Unless you are a stock holder of Halliburton or Kellogg and Brown. At the end of the day when we are lying on our cots tucked in with our high tech gadgets and piles of Q-tips and baby wipes we ask ourselves: who's life was improved today? Yours, mine, the Iraqi people? Aside from the few, already mentioned - no one’s. And that money.... GOSH, that money, could really be used for something else. Couldn't it?
So please, put your efforts forth in the right direction and stop sending us this crap. We've got plenty.

childhood obesity and its treatment

Ladies and gentlemen of this great country, it is in the news, we now treat (and I wonder if we also advocate) chubby little fat kids with drugs. As young as 8 years old. Woohoooooo!!! More market for an already thriving pharmaceutical industry. More quick fixes for the already lazy and non-responsibility-taking adult nation. Real newsflash: that is the generation that is supposed to take care of US when we get old. Oh, wait, that doesn't apply here either... It certainly is a whole lot easier than implementing real fitness programs in school. Instead of taking away from the booming market of video gameas and gadgets we are becoming consumers again, of drugs and treatments. Instead of taking responsibility as a lazy and irresponsible (I would say even abusive and neglectful) parent, we have an excuse, a shortcut and more whoaaaa whoaaaa whoaaaining! Why am I upset - this could be good for MY business, isn't that what makes this world go around: more business? Maybe a national service would do the youngsters good, two years in the Army (maybe not, since that's becoming a retreat, a no touch no yell don't hurt my baby wooss ass fat camp), and see if you can pick up after yourself. Or, like, walk a mile, without an oxigen tank. I don't know. My point is, and will remain, that nothing can substitue certain things such as hard work, discipline, commitment and pride in what you do. I don't even know what else to say... I am sad to see these kids. Don't have a courtyard, don't have a ball, a tree to clime. Things that are almost free. One has to be in a well to do family anymore where they can pay for sports training and things like that. What's missing is the everyday simple play and the school activities. Every kid knows and uses the time and brain and effort saver PowerPoint (which I think is a terrible training aid for the most part) but may not have had a chance to compete in some sport. On some level. I am not knocking technology, I am defending sweat! Without a (*)^(*^*( sauna!!!!

moving to italy

Ok, so I've decided to teach English in Italy. Seriously. I am changing my major and finishing my degree in Italian. I have set a goal of up to three years within which I should have accomplished this. If anyone has anything to tell me that might be of use, like working in Italy or living in Italy, I would love to hear it! I do not anticipate my doggy living beyond that time so I will be free to go wherever and do whatever (this is very difficult to think about though). I might even teach in China or South America first, just do something really useful before going to enjoy myself. There is so much a person can do and I will have the luxury of having a scatter brain (but a fast one) and no obligations, spiced with a desire to help humanity. Or some of humanity. Or something along that line.
I think it would make me extremely happy to live in the land I so admire and yearn to know. I think it would... I am so psyched!!

Wish me luck!

Pros of owning and riding a scooter

It just feels good!
You are not likely to get pulled over, even when speeding
You save on parking (fines)
You can avoid collisions by braking hard, ditching the bike, and running off to the side
You can save money for a hair dresser and stuff
You can show off your triceps
You don't have to worry about bad hair, you'll have scooter hair...heehee
You make sure you look good before leaving the house 'cause you are out in the open, VISIBLE!
You tan free
You see more
You are part of your trip, which turns into an enjoyable experience.
It is vevy efficient (80-110 miles per gallong)
It is vevy cute

Scootering

OH MY GOD!

Who wudda thunk? Scooter?
OK, start from the beginning:
I recently bought a scooter. Very recently. Three days ago. I have ridden a motorcycle, a sports bike, also very recently. I thought, eeeei, scooter will be fine to save on gas and be quick to get to places and park at the front door. So yeah, bought it and rode it home for 10-15 miles.

What a trip this little thing is! It's the next boob job, the next exercise fad, the next on-the-side-girlfriend or sports car, or whatever it is you think you need to make you feel better in your midlife crisis!

Get a scooter!! I have been riding it everywhere and cannot help but smile as I start off down the road. It's like a happy drug. I guess, not that I'd know of anything like that...

In all seriousness though, it is fun, pretty, perky, extreeeemely easy to maneuver, extremely eco friendly and my doggie loves it too! I put her in a bag and set her in my lap than off we go! I had to stop this morning to fill up with gas (after a 105 miles) and I gave the clerk a $5 bill and said: I"m filling up on #3. She just looked at me. So I pumped my high test gas and went back to get my 40 cents of change, since it couldn't even eat up all of the $5. The clerk just laughed... and I was beaming!

So, if you are not hugely overweight or physically impaired in any way or allergic to the sun I suggest to invest a few grand in a scooter and start living! You will feel like you are the trip, part of the surroundings, seeing and taking in everything, smiling at other drivers as they send a friendly glance (checking out your hot rod), and feeling the wind in your face! I cannot convey to you how awesome it is to be on a scooter. And yes, I am sober, just high on life:)

About life - Random

Monday, June 16, 2008